We keep getting all these, "rules from the woman's side", emails so we figured it was time for a "rules from the man's side" email. These are our rules! Learn them, memorize them and use them!
- Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us whining about you leaving it down.
- Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
- Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
- Crying is blackmail.
- Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
- We don't remember dates. Mark them on a calendar and remind us frequently.
- Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
- Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
- Check your oil! Please.
- Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact all comments become null and void after 7 days.
- If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer that question anymore.
- If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
- Let us look. It doesn't hurt anyone, to look. And for us, its genetic.
- Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
- Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
- ALL men see in only 16 colours. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. We have no idea what mauve is.
- If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
- We are not mind readers and we never will be.
- If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
- If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
- When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
- You have enough clothes.
- You have too many shoes.
- It is neither in your best interest or ours to take any quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
- BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
- I am in shape. Round IS a shape.
- Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.